- Nonverbal communication involves approximately 70% of all communication.
- We could not function without it.
- Verbal communication is the media for conflict resolution.
- The right brain stores much more nonverbal memory than the left brain.
- The unconscious and the nonconscious are both stored in the right brain.
- The right brain has no language so communicates through use of gestures, prosody, and facial expressions.
- Basis of communication until 18 months of age
Play Talk or Bantering
- All methods except talking and listening are interactional.
- This is a verbal way of touching.
- Effortless way of relating information.
- If it is positive, it is fun for both parties.
- If it is negative, it is hostile and is known as teasing or sarcasm.
- Factual data or this can be an interpretation.
- If it doesn’t work the information was not sent or received.
- If you want to exchange information you must do 3 things:
- Make eye contact
- State your thoughts loudly and clearly
- Get feedback
- This involves banal content.
- The purpose is to make contact with another person
- For some people this method is like sustenance.
- For others it is trivial.
- If this method does not work, there is a disconnected monologue or babbling.
- This method is cognitive, intellectual, and conceptual and is taught as debating.
- This is the only method of communication that encourages conflict.
- When it is not working it becomes disinterested lecturing.
- If it becomes emotional, drop down to talking and listening or the Dialogue of Intimacy.
- This process is cognitive and is based on facts that are known and researched.
- Given the data, the decision is made based on the conclusive or inconclusive facts or the decision is delayed pending the acquisition of new facts.
- If this method does not work, there is emotional upset, arguing and demanding.
- This is The Dialogue of Intimacy.
- This method is not interactional. Each person stays in place for the entire time.
- Talking means talking about feelings and listening means listening to feelings.
- If this is not working there is criticizing and defending.
- This is connecting. All else is contact.
- Dynamic Listening
- The word “listening” here refers to listening to feelings.
- Hearing what the other person says about her negative feelings or beliefs about herself in the context of that person with no reference back to self, without taking it personally.
- Self-listening is hearing what the other person says about self without defensiveness, retaliation or withdrawal. Here one must listen until he or she has proven that the other person is RIGHT.
- Another’s perception is his or her reality and must be UNDERSTOOD NOT ARGUED.
- Agenda listening is listening to the other person for purpose of gathering information to prove that that person is WRONG.
- This is often confused with self-listening and is virtually never constructive.
- Dynamic Talking
- Here talking refers to talking about feelings.
- Self-talking is telling the other person about your feelings with no expectation back from that person other than that he or she will try to UNDERSTAND.
- Telling the other person about him or her with no criticizing, demanding or uncontrolled anger. This is for the purpose of giving the other person information about himself or herself so that he or she can understand a disagreed upon perception.
- This is often confused with agenda- talking.
- Agenda talking is the counterpart to agenda listening. This is analogous to a lamb being led to slaughter.
- Like agenda listening, agenda talking is generally destructive.
An agenda talker should not respond except by becoming another listener