All couples have problems with communication. • Communication is done through prosody, gestures, touch, facial expressions and intuition. • There are four taboos of communication: 1. No criticizing 2. No defending 3. No defending 4. No uncontrolled or vented anger • There are seven methods of communication: 1. Play Talk 2. Information Exchange 3. Casual Conversation 4. Intellectual Discussion 5. Problem Solving 6. Talking and Listening (The Dialogue of Intimacy) • Utilization of any of the above forms of communication contributes to quality time.
1. Be accepting.
This means to accept the other person exactly the way he or she is. We tend to marry fixer-uppers so we need to accept the person as they are when we enter the relationship.
2. Be interested.
To really study that other person in order to UNDERSTAND him or her.
There are two major advantages to being interested:
1. It is the highest form of caring.
2. We are similar because of our unconscious choices and therefore we can learn about ourselves.
3. Be trustworthy.
Talking and Listening
- This is The Dialogue of Intimacy.
- This method is not interactional. Each person stays in place for the entire time.
- Talking means talking about feelings and listening means listening to feelings.
- If this is not working there is criticizing and defending.
- This is connecting. All else is contact.
Three Kinds of Talking and Listening
- Nonverbal communication involves approximately 70% of all communication.
- We could not function without it.
- Verbal communication is the media for conflict resolution.
- The right brain stores much more nonverbal memory than the left brain.
- The unconscious and the nonconscious are both stored in the right brain.
- The right brain has no language so communicates through use of gestures, prosody, and facial expressions.
- Basis of communication until 18 months of age
Play Talk or Bantering